life in the cafe of death and dying

“What the angel of death can teach us is how to be truly alive.” — Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

This past fall, I embarked on a journey with my mindfulness center to create a space for people in the community to talk about death. We borrowed some concepts from the traditional death cafe format and supplemented it with mindful practices. After a few months of planning, we held our first Mindfulness Cafe of Death and Dying in early December, just in time for the traditionally tough holiday season.

So, why do people eat cake, drink tea and talk about death?

What would people share and how it would feel to talk about death with strangers?

The cafe offered a soft place to land. The aroma of homemade banana bread, herbal tea, and tables dressed in linen, candles and flowers welcomed parents, children, extended family, friends, caregivers, and healthcare professionals. During our time together, we weaved meditation, poetry and storytelling with the taboo topic. We actively listened to our unique experiences with death and paused for a few moments after each person shared their story. Some simply listened to what others had to share. Presence was participation.

Community invited levity into the room. For me, levity arrived when I heard a caregiving story similar to my experience from a different point of view. My clouds of worry about whether I did the right thing on that given day dissipated. I felt lighter. From a distance, the sprinkles of levity were reminiscent of any communal gathering; you would not have guessed death was the topic du jour.

We ended the session together. After talking with our table mates, we shared with the larger group and then closed with a meditation—a peaceful bookend to our beginning.

✺ ✺ ✺

Knowing you’re not alone in grief offers a lifeline back to the living—not with distraction or quick fixes but with comfort and space to feel the feels.

If you’re in search of community on your grief journey, consider attending a death cafe in your local area. If you’re in the Charlotte area and curious about our Mindfulness Cafe of Death and Dying at the Charlotte Center for Mindfulness, feel free to contact me.